


Rules

by plainboxes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 12:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9727211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainboxes/pseuds/plainboxes
Summary: In which Alec learns about wanting, because he's always known there's no point. Why want, when he knows he's never going to get what he desires?(A deviation from the TV series, but most of the details are there.)





	

"The Law is hard, but it is the Law."

As a Shadowhunter, these are specific words to live by. An echo, a reminder to his duties at all times. It goes against his very being to do anything that might be against the Clave, for which he has no reason to do so anyway. The law is there for a reason, and he cannot go wrong by following it.

He is aware that there are always exceptions. Instances, where the Law seems unreasonable, and yet the Law is hard, but it is the Law. If ever in doubt, consider the motto of the Covenant and consult with anyone of authority.

He is Alexander Gideon Lightwood, eldest son of the Lightwood family. He has responsibilities that can only fall to him, with his sister and hopelessly reckless adopted brother so prone to mischief. He is there to take care of them, as well as protect the honour of the family.

He's had everything thought out. Protect the family. Follow the rules. Know your responsibilities. Maintain the honour of the family.

Isabelle always says he's uptight, but he disagrees. Alec knows himself best, and it's that he hates trouble. It's so simple to do things 'right', so that he can be praised and thought well of. It consumes too much energy to come up with ways to break the rules, only to return and be reprimanded.

One thing Alec can never understand is why anyone in their right mind would want to cause trouble for themselves. Jace and Izzy are both full of good cheer and fun, but it honestly looks exhausting to him.

Isn't it much simpler to live the way he does? There is little to think about, with the routine of sleeping, eating, training and going on missions. At the end of the day, he might wind down by listening to some music, relaxing in the safe haven that is his room with nothing to worry about.

Evidently, nobody agrees with him. His siblings both tease him for being boring, (but what's wrong with boring?) and drag him to Pandemonium. Alec's only allowing that because it's Izzy's birthday.

The rules say nothing about Shadowhunters partying or clubbing, which means Alec is fine with going with them as long as he doesn't have to do anything other than sit down. He enjoys the thrill from his bow and arrow, but dancing to music throbbing in his ears is just a huge no-no.

He's heard about the place. Downworlders come down here often, and despite their disdain of Shadowhunters in general, they're welcome as long as they don't start killing anyone.

Jace and Izzy seem to have come here often enough that nobody even bats an eyelid at their entry, and he's automatically welcome as a guest.

He leans against the wall in the shadows of the club and waits, having no intentions of drinking. He's tried alcohol before, sure, but the taste holds no appeal to him. Hopefully he won't be bothered by handsy Downworlders, judging by the flirting and groping around him, but he hasn't been approached as of yet.

Alec has no wish of any of that and is immensely grateful. He spends his time watching his siblings closely. They know how far not to go, but he's going to be wary just in case anything goes wrong.

He lets himself blank out while listening to the changing music, the flickering lights, the bodies dancing along, and knows there's absolutely nothing interesting that could happen then.

Which makes it a complete surprise when he suddenly feels the breath knocked out of him at the appearance of the most beautiful, dazzling man he has ever seen.

It's not even an exaggeration, despite what it sounds like. He's never felt this way, body jolting in surprise and heart in his throat. There are no words to describe how he's feeling.

It's almost comical, because Alec has read shitty romance novels in his own time about things like this, but it's an otherworldly experience now that it's happening to him.

He hopes, in that very second, for the man to turn his attention over to Alec, but knows there's no chance of it. How could he? Alec feels a wry smile on his lips as he turns away, glancing at his watch. Romance novels are romance novels for a reason. They don't happen in real life. Maybe there was some theory about these things, Alec wonders. Like past lives, for instance. That would actually make sense.

It's going to take a few more hours, and while he enjoys staying in the darkness and drowning in his own thoughts, it's getting warm and uncomfortable. He makes to leave and get some fresh air, planning to return in half an hour.

He doesn't seek that man's figure out in the crowd.

The chilly night air is cooling on his skin, blowing his fringe back occasionally as he leans against the railing of the balcony. He's always found solace in the night, despite it being the time when Downworlders are active, which is usually when work crops up. It's usually quiet, the time where people are asleep, where the night is for him and him alone.

He gazes as far as he can, observing the blinking lights of the city, deep in thought.

He registers a presence pausing next to him but does not react.

"So," he hears beside him, "Come here often?"

Alec isn't sure the words are directed to him, but they're whispered near enough that there's no question about it.

He turns, eyes widening just a little at who it is, and meets the steely gaze for a moment.

It's the man from before.

He flounders, wondering how to answer, and settles with, "No, not really."

His heart's beating doubly fast, a very confusing physical reaction when all he wants is to have a normal conversation without feeling thrown off. Alec is good with people. Most of the time.

"What are you doing here, then? A party? Dragged here by terrible friends?" The man's voice is captivating, lyrical.

"Siblings, actually," Alec replies right away, "It's my sister's birthday and she wanted to come here, so."

"Ah, sibling love, then. Not enjoying yourself?"

Alec shrugs, "It's okay, I guess." He turns back to the scenery before him, taking a deep breath as he tries to ignore the intensity of those eyes on him. "Just too loud for my tastes."

"Not a party person?"

"No, not particularly."

They stand in silence for a while longer, Alec wondering if the conversation will continue. It feels like something needs to be said, but Alec has no idea how to move the conversation along.

At some point, he tries something. "And you?" he asks, wincing at the slight cracking in his voice. It's not intentional and, for some reason, somewhat embarrassing.

"Me?" The man answers, clearly not expecting another word from Alec. "Just, you know, enjoying the night air. A man's got to breathe sometimes. You've got to admit, it's rather stifling in there."

Alec couldn't agree more. "Yeah, that's why I came out. Not much I could have done in there anyway."

The man walks away at this point, and Alec watches him leave, confused.

The man's back minutes later, holding two champagne glasses, eyebrows raised.

"Drinks?" he offers.

Alec knows he doesn't drink because it is generally an unpleasant experience for his taste buds, but knows it's bearable as long as it doesn't stay on his tongue for long.

He doesn't know why he makes no attempt to tell the man he doesn't drink, and takes a glass with a miniscule smile.

The both of them continue looking into the distance, sipping their beverages slowly, letting the silence between them melt into something comfortable.

When Alec finishes his glass, he checks his watch and finds that an hour has already passed. Huh.

"In a hurry to leave?" The man enquires, twirling his glass nonchalantly.

"No, but I might need to check on my siblings. Just to make sure they're not doing anything that... well, they shouldn't be doing." Alec wants to stay, and it's hardly time to leave yet, but his siblings are his responsibility.

The man waves him away.

Alec doesn't know how else to react but return into the club, scanning the throngs of people for his siblings, mind on the beautiful man who looks like he belongs in the night.

Minutes later, he finds them. Jace is chatting up some girl, and Izzy is dancing somewhere in a corner in a way that Alec isn't sure he wants to watch. It was slightly traumatising, despite it not being his first time seeing this.

He checks his watch again and determines that they can stay for an hour or so, and heads back out.

As expected, the man hasn't moved, though now slouched more comfortably over the railing. Alec goes back to his spot beside him.

"It's probably a little late for this question, but... who are you? You're too pretty for me not to have your name." The man beams, "I'm Magnus, by the way."

"Alec. Uh, Alexander. Lightwood." Alec's heart lurches at the word 'pretty', eyebrows raising in surprise. It's a first, to hear that word used to describe him and not Jace.

"A Lightwood, which means... a Shadowhunter. A rather delightful addition to my party, I'd say." Magnus gives him a quick wink.

"Yours?"

"All of this," Magnus gestures at the club, "belongs to me."

"Oh." Alec's at a loss for words.

"Well, since you were so delightful as to give me your surname, I'll give you mine. Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

Alec startles at that. A Warlock? He'd heard of them, and the occasional mentions of a certain 'Magnus' helping out at the Institute, but never made the connection. It was disconcerting, seeing this man and realising what he was capable of.

Noticing Alec's reaction, Magnus goes on, "I trust you've heard of me, yes?"

"Occasionally. I heard that you help with the warding in the Institute?"

"Oh, that," Magnus nods in understanding. "It's a very unsatisfying job, but a job nonetheless. It's surprising that I haven't seen you around there."

Alec shrugs.

They have a stilted conversation, or at least Alec thinks it is, for the next hour or so. Alec is very much interested in this man (a Warlock!), but doesn't know where to draw the line. Often, there's a silence that shrouds over them, full of wanting to ask, but afraid to go too far.

Alec knows there's a chance of seeing this man again, but under what circumstances? Will they be able to have a pleasant conversation like this?

At the end, when Alec mentions he has to leave soon, Magnus calls him over and asks for his hand. Alec complies, albeit confused.

"If you ever need the services of a Warlock, just give me a text," Magnus says distractedly, as he whips out a pen and writes out numbers with a flourish in Alec's palm. "You're always welcome to give me a call."

Alec's never had anyone give him their number before.

He takes a look at the handwriting, signed off with 'Magnus', flexes his fingers, and lifts his head to meet Magnus' gaze.

"It was nice meeting you." Alec smiles, nods and leaves, feeling unsteady on his feet.

He returns to the Institute with his siblings, both drunk and exhilarated enough not to ask what he's been doing nor about the faint flush on his cheeks.

He puts the number in his phone. He sleeps.

x

Alec is very used to life in the Institute, and things return to normal the next day. And the day after that. And the week after that.

Sometimes he imagines coloured hair, eyeliner, a charming voice, but thinks nothing of it.

He hasn't had the chance to see Magnus again, and considering past experiences where he hasn't even known who Magnus was despite their proximty, it's highly unlikely they'll meet again, he decides, as he pushes the man out of his mind.

Or at least, that's what he expected, before there is a whole issue about a girl called Clary who barges into the Institute unannounced with Jace, creating a whole mess that Alec absolutely hates.

It's nothing new, but on a whole other scale, because Jace, Izzy and the girl are now wreaking havoc in the Institute. Rules are broken with every move, and he's even being roped into helping them.

Alec helps, but not because he wants to. It's for his siblings, and he knows that he'll be the one taking responsibility for his actions.

What can he do? He loves them, and if all of this is for a greater good, despite how the laws might not think so, then so be it. It is his responsibility.

Things happen, and the greatest surprise is finding out that his parents are circle members, on top of all the rules that are being broken in the conquest for the Mortal Cup.

It's funny, because all his parents talk about is 'tradition'. 'Honour'. And yet they are the ones that are doing the complete opposite.

What 'honour' is there? It's laughable. What Lightwood reputation is there, when his parents are the greatest liars and traitors out there, so blatantly flaunting their power?

He takes it upon himself to right this in the form of marriage. It's all within his expectations. That was how his life was to be.

Never mind his growing attraction for Magnus. That is insignificant and probably will never amount to anything.

It's hard, fighting his attraction. Seeing Magnus doing what he can when it comes to the Mortal Cup, helping his siblings, hinting at something more when they're alone, and just being there. Present.

It's difficult. And when he does talk about Magnus, he realises how stupid he sounds, like the time he recommended Magnus to Lydia by describing him by saying, "He's very, uh, magical. You know, good with magic."

Eloquence has never been his forte.

That aside, it's even more difficult when Magnus tries to talk him out of his wedding, and Alec keeps trying to make Magnus- go away.

He knows, deep down, that it isn't what he wants. But this is to restore his family's destroyed honour, and the fact that his parents are not doing as good a job they should be means the responsibility falls to him.

He's known, all his life, that his choices are limited. He's had to think about practicality. Ignore all his desires and focus on what's important.

He thinks about his marriage. About this beautiful woman, Lydia, who's had and lost a loved one, who will marry him. It's selfish, he knows, because he does not feel anything towards this woman other than respect.

He knows he's asking too much of her, high up the chain, competent and gorgeous, but it's all for his family's sake.

And the worst part of it all is that he hates it. He doesn't want it at all.

The voices in his mind niggle at him, telling him it is his duty, it is tradition, and his attraction towards Magnus is a sin, doubly so because it is for a Downworlder.

He hates it. He hates it when Magnus approaches him and reminds him of the first time they meet at the club, where they shared a surprisingly comfortable conversation and some drinks. He hates it when Magnus voices the attraction they both feel, the quickening of his heartbeat, the tingling on his skin- everything.

He hates it, because he knows he can't have it. He's not allowed to.

He almost laughs at that. He's a puppet, at best.

x

The wedding day arrives, and Alec braces himself for a completely bland life with someone he cares little for.

But it's okay, Alec reassures himself. It's all for the greater good.

But at what expense?

Alec ignores the doubt that comes up every time he questions his choice.

He's lived his life this way all his life. Nothing will change.

He takes a deep breath, walks on the aisle, feels his heart die inside with every step.

It's okay, he tells himself. It's for the greater good.

The words are a constant mantra.

It's okay. He's prepared. He's prepared for a life of honour, of safety, of familial happiness. All this in exchange for his marriage to a woman he knows he will probably never love in the way she deserves to be.

He takes a deep breath, about to let it all happen, when the doors swing open to reveal a man he never wanted to see again, because it would remind him of an eternity of regret.

Magnus merely stands there, watching him with imploring eyes.

It's not even jealousy Alec sees in there. It's about Alec losing his life over a marriage he does not want.

Alec knows it in his gut, a million thoughts running through his mind as he stares straight at the man he knows he should never even imagine of having, but desires all the same.

He considers Lydia. Sweet, beautiful Lydia, and what marrying her would represent, and then Magnus. There are no words to describe Magnus, except there is something that makes Alec burn inside, heart beating loudly and breath uneven as he takes in the man.

He can't do this. He can't let this end. He should, but he can't.

He doesn't know what 'this' is, but he knows that he can't live knowing that he could have had Magnus in some form or other, and chose to be with someone else for the rest of his life.

He does the last responsible thing that is expected of him and attempts to explain his next actions to Lydia.

Her following words of "you deserve to be happy" seem to make him realise something, because the next thing he knows, he's heading straight for Magnus, a new determination in his eyes as he disregards his fear of what this all means. He can't believe what he's doing, but his legs are moving of their own accord and his eyes can't register anything but Magnus. He feels shaky, ungrounded, impulsive.

Magnus, Magnus, Magnus.

He's never felt so out of depth before, when all he's known is certainty and sureness.

He grasps the fabric of Magnus' jacket tightly, eyes firmly on Magnus' lips and not his eyes, because that might just ruin his resolve.

He kisses, lips moving in an unfamiliar way that he can only hope will prove a point.

He feels Magnus' hot breath on his face, feels the way lips respond in kind, and ignores everything around him.

Let him have this. Just this.

x

Appalling, is what his actions were, as Alec recalls what he has done.

He can't look at Magnus, because all he can think about his lips, the want that welled up in him, and how Alec wanted more. An eternity of those lips on his, as the mere thought sends his senses into overdrive.

It doesn't make sense, the way Magnus had tried to reach out to him despite his ruthless responses.

The only meaningful interaction they'd had was the first time they'd met, and everything after that had been brief. Alec never did text Magnus on personal business.

How is it that Magnus knows what Alec feels for him? How is it that Magnus does not give up?

Alec is feeling jittery, because everything changes.

There is no 'Lightwood honour'. His parents have given up on him. His relatives and the Clave had witnessed the failed wedding. He is nothing more than a disappointment, all for a Downworlder.

All thoughts of those are swept away when Magnus suggests they go for a drink, and the hope that surges in him more than makes up for his confusion, self-pity and most importantly, fuels his attraction towards Magnus.

He doesn't know what it is, but he thinks they could be something good, because Magnus makes him feel things he never knew was possible.

x

First dates are hard, because Shadowhunters never get to take breaks. He's glad Magnus understands, because they keep having to postpone it.

There have been conversations since then, after Alec gathers enough courage to send Magnus a harmless text.

Alec: Hey, this is Alec. (08:23)  
Magnus: Alexander! What are you doing up at this ungodly hour? (11:43)  
Alec: It was 0830. Not really that late. (11:44)  
Magnus: On a mission? (11:44)  
Alec: No, just taking a break from training. (11:45)  
Alec: Did you just get up? (11:45)  
Magnus: I didn't have anything to do in the morning anyway. Poor Shadowhunter. (11:48)  
Alec: I'm used to it. (11:48)

Alec tries his best not to reply too fast, but he can't help it. Magnus is... intriguing, to say the least. But duty calls, and all too soon, when they're in the middle of a very interesting conversation, he's summoned for all sorts of tasks. Demons to be slayed and all that.

Alec does realise there's an issue with their communication when Magnus sends him a fire message, only to tell him it was a ploy to get his attention. Only then does Alec realise he needs to know how and what to prioritise.

Magnus mentions things, like how Alec needed some time to himself, because the Institute would never grant that. Alec needed to let it happen.

"If you don't do it for yourself, then do it for me."

Magnus' words tell Alec that he's been too selfish, because in what universe is it okay to kiss a man and keep rescheduling a date till it almost becomes non-existent?

And so he agrees. They do something simple. Drinks, pool at a bar. Talking.

It is at this point that Alec makes it known that he does not like drinking. It's obvious, anyway, in how he involuntarily grimaces at the taste of beer, and is met with Magnus' knowing look as he raises his brows and bites back a smile.

Alec's grinning so much that his cheeks hurt. He learns a lot more about Magnus, like his experiences, his drinking habits, his magic, his makeup, his eyes, and just... what Magnus is.

Not what the High Warlock of Brooklyn is. Who Magnus is.

It makes him painfully aware of how different they are, and the odds of meeting on that balcony at Pandemonium months ago, two completely different beings sharing a drink in a common space where there is no prejudice.

It's a little difficult, baring his soul to Magnus. He knows that he owes it to the man, after all they've gone through despite how little they really know of each other, and he speaks.

"I always knew I couldn't have what I wanted," he starts, his largest insecurity laid out, because that is what Magnus deserves to hear. Because that's what caused all the hurt that Magnus must have felt, all those times Alec pushed him away.

"And I don't understand how any of this," Alec gestures at the table, "happened. But I'm glad it's happening, even though I know it's not- it's not allowed."

Alec knows the words might seem off, but he has no other way to put it. A life at the Institute has made it clear that the purpose of Alec's life is to serve the Clave, and all the rules tell him he is not allowed to be with a Downworlder because that it is unseemly. Wrong.

But why?

Magnus is no mere Downworlder. He's handsome, dazzling, kind, humorous, gutsy- he is not unlike any other being in the world. He's dealt with numerous nasty Downworlders, but Magnus is anything but. That's been proven, time and again, and Alec wants to let himself hold onto this desire and attraction, for once.

If he is allowed to have one thing in the world, he would want to retain how Magnus makes him feel and, by extension, Magnus himself.

"You- you make me feel things. And help me learn about myself." Alec continues. "I don't know why you decided on me, and I don't know how I got so lucky, but that's how it is."

Magnus listens intently but doesn't interrupt, letting Alec find the words.

"I know I can't be the best partner for you, especially with my duties, and I might screw up, and I know I will, but I want you to tell me so I can do better. I'd like to give this a try. Give 'us' a try. We're from completely different worlds, and I know relationships are a lot of effort, but- I want to try." He glances at Magnus.

Alec's thought this through. He's wondered if it was better to back out of this because they're so different, but his heart says otherwise. He decides to lay all his cards on the table and lets Magnus decide how this is going to go.

He's not disappointed, by the soft smile Magnus sends his way, full of understanding.

"We'll do this together," he promises.

The rest of the date is easy, comfortable. They take a pleasant stroll back to Magnus' loft, reminding Alec of the time they'd first met by the balcony, away from the noise inside the club that Magnus owned.

Magnus might seem to be a party animal from his outrageous hair, makeup and lavish parties, but Alec thinks all of that is a distraction from the essence of who Magnus is.

Only in the quiet, away from the Institute, away from the parties, can he see Magnus for who he is. Just Magnus, the man with the beautiful soul.

Later, when they're back at Magnus' loft, Alec gathers courage and leans forward for a kiss.

"I'm all for effort," Magnus whispers into Alec's ear as he slowly, steadily, tugs Alec closer, a reply to a conversation that Alec had assumed was going to stay in the bar. "Just be there for me."

x

A Shadowhunter, a Warlock. One with angel blood, one with demon blood.

Alec's lived with simplicity all this time, guided by orders and responsibilities.

The day at Pandemonium is what changes everything, meeting a man that completely sweeps him off his feet and enters his world like a whirlwind, with a flourish that leaves him breathless.

A man who defies all the rules he's lived by. Partying. Drinking. Coloured hair. Attitude. Allegiance to no one but he and he himself. The list goes on.

Alec hadn't realised, but that's a life he wants to lead, in a way. He wants to break free of all the societal restraints placed on him.

He wants. He's never been able to do more than want and learnt to kill those desires long ago, replacing them with pragmatism.

He hasn't gotten used to the idea of desiring and actually having something, but Magnus has shown him it is possible. The Clave is not his life. His life is his own.

There have always been a few things Alec's enjoyed and known he's allowed to have. He loves the view of the setting sun, the slight breeze as he watches the scenery, taking pleasure in the beautiful sights and being alone with his own thoughts.

Now, he has more than that. He has Magnus, and so, so much more, because Magnus shows him all the possibilities life has to offer, the forgotten urges that Alec'd thought was buried deep within him surfacing once more.

The best part of it all? He gets to experience everything with Magnus.

**Author's Note:**

> Watching the show is giving me so many feelings that I decided to do my own take of it, but with a lot more from Alec's POV. I hope my version does him justice. ;;
> 
> I'm open to prompts, if anyone's interested! Send me something here at [my tumblr](http://brolx.tumblr.com)!


End file.
